I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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