he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
