Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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