i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
