She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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