Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
