Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
