I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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