I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
