i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no more duck duck goose at the bar
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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