people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
