Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
