Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
