i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Randomize
