what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
