im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
