Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
