counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
