do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
