i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
