I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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