yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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