No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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