Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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