3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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