well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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