Hey man sorry I got all grabby
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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