saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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