well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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