i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
