She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
where am i from again
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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