Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
