Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They are going to name an STD after you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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