Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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