Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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