they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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