You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
