Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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