i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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