I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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