Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
