i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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