hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
