im gay
i know
yea but for you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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