of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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