If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
