is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
