U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
