Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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