Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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