It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
