There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
