it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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