The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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