are you so shy because you have an std?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
