you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
