seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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