Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
