I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
