So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
