just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
