before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
