someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
