i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
