dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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