You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize