so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
